Dakota Hates Everything
by Starryoak
Summary: Dakota Milton is having a bad day. Or really, a bad week, because she's on her time of the month, not helped by the fact that she's a ten foot tall mutant now. Can she survive even one day without breaking something? And can Sam comfort her in time? Oneshot, rated T for safety.


Dakota hated mornings. She really really hated them. She hated the buzzing ring of her obnoxious alarm clock. She hated when she didn't get her beauty sleep because of the damned thing.  
There was only one thing she hated more than early mornings.  
She hated being a mutant. She hated having to crouch just to walk through the doorways. She hated when she accidentally crushed her toothbrush. She hated having a tail that stuck out of her already destroyed jeans. But mostly, she just hated how scared everyone was of her. Sure, she was an incredibly strong 10 foot tall mutant with blazing green hair and sharp claws, but it still hurt.  
She reached for the stupid alarm clock to stop it from ringing again, but she accidentally crushed it with her fist. Ok so accidentally was a stretch, it was more like she did it on impulse. She really needed to stop doing that, it was the third time this week and as much as she felt vindicated when it was smashed, she had to pay for the replacement out of her own pocket. Sure she had a massive allowance because of her daddy's money, but it still bugged her.  
Getting out of bed, she swept the shattered alarm up and groaned, rubbing her forehead. "Dakota hates everything." She mumbled halfheartedly and began getting out of her pajamas, being careful not to shred up the new clothes her daddy had gotten specially made for her. Taking off her pants, she noted that she needed new under- scratch that, she needed to go search her drawers and change. She sighed; today just wasn't her day.

Sitting down at the breakfast table, Dakota grumbled, she put down her cereal, looked up at her bright green hair, and on a whim, tried to pull it down from its sharp spikes, but it refused to budge from its rigid shape. "Stupid have to be sharp?" She growled. She really missed having nice blonde hair. She missed being pretty. Sure, Sam thought she was pretty, but she kind of missed having pretty clothes and being able to style her hair, instead of this permanent spiky porcupine of a haircut. She sighed and twiddled her thumbs, wishing she had a phone she could use. Add that to the list of things she hates; having freakish hands that can't hold a phone without crushing it. She looked at the bowl of cereal she had poured and picked at it lazily with her finger. She really didn't feel like doing anything today. She heard the door open, and saw her father walk in.  
"Dakota, you look down, I mean, more than you usually are in the mornings." She glared at her father, who backed down immediately. "Ok, ok, I'm sorry I asked, princess," he laughed nervously, rubbing the back of his neck. "You know I love you heaps, honeybun, right?" Dakota nodded and groaned. She really didn't mean to be rude, she loved her daddy, she loved his ascot and his sparkly sunglasses and smooth hair. It didn't hurt that he and Kurt were majorly nice to her and they bought her anything she wanted. "Good, because you're my little princess," Her dad hugged her, "No matter how big you get."  
"Me love you too, Daddy." Dakota smiled and hugged him back as gently as she could. "You go to work?" She asked, and when he nodded, she sighed, slightly annoyed that he had to leave her all alone for the fourth day in a row. Back before Total Drama, she wouldn't have had a problem with that; she'd just call the paparazzi and they'd shoot a bunch of glamour shots and that would eat up her time, or she'd call up her friends and they'd go to the mall. But now she was mutated, she really didn't want to go outside anytime soon, and nobody would go to the mall with her. She hated that she couldn't go into the mall after she accidentally smashed a store display of Chris McLean and tore it apart and called it a bastard. Accidentally, of course. It's not like he didn't have it coming for burying her boyfriend in a casket! Oh, and turning her into a hideous mutant beast. But that was secondary. Or tied. She really wasn't sure it was worth breaking another Chris McLean standee and having to have Daddy bail her out again. Unless she saw one. Then, she'd probably do it again.  
"Well, have a good day, honeybun, ok? Hope you feel better from whatever's getting you down." Her father smiled and waved goodbye while he walked out, leaving Dakota to sulk and wait for the week to be over. Dakota went to go sit down, before she felt a sharp pain and she felt herself cramp up. "Cramps!" she growled and crawled over to the couch, cursing the cruel beast that god must be for making this happen. One thing was certain;  
Periods suck.

After five minutes, Dakota grew bored of her plan to sit around and sulk, although she could find no shortage of things to be mad at, ranting at the wall really didn't do anything about her problems. Really all it did was work her up, but it felt so good to just yell and scream her problems to something that wouldn't judge her. Everyone judged her, even before she was mutated. Her mom and her stupid beauty pageants, her therapist with her constant stupid scribbling, really, it seemed like the only one who didn't judge her was Sam. Sam was the best boyfriend she could ask for, and she wished he could be here and make everything better...  
"Sam!" Dakota gasped and got up, looking for the phone."Sam come over and hang out!" She smiled, gently picking up her phone, wishing her hands were smaller. Typing in the numbers with her pinky, she pressed call, and waited impatiently for him to pick up. The longer the call held, the more annoying the little beep got, even though it was only for five seconds.  
"Hello, Sam here." She heard Sam's voice, he sounded bored and she could hear the beeping of one of his many machines. "Look, if you're calling about my copy of Mines of Worldcraft, I sold it yester-"  
"Me no want stupid game! Dakota want Sam." Dakota cut her boyfriend off, slightly peeved that Sam hadn't checked to see who had called.  
" Woah, Dakota, sorry, I didn't mean to upset you..." Sam seemed startled by her outburst "And Mines of Worldcraft is not stupid. It's the Mona Lisa of sandbox games. It's extremely complex and-"  
"Me no care, Sam!" She kept her voice down from a yell to an angry whisper, and kept her hands steady so she didn't crush her phone.  
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" She heard his panicked tone and calmed down. "Gee Dakota, not that I'm trying to be rude, but you seem pretty testy today, is there something wrong?" She sighed and smiled. It was nice having a boyfriend who actually cared about her.  
"Me... me... uh... Me have..." Dakota stuttered, feeling her cheeks flush red with embarrassment. Why was it so hard for her to say? I mean, Sam was a teen, he'd have to know that girls got them... Right?  
"Yeah? You have what?" Sam asked, concern in his voice.  
"Me on...period..." She mumbled the last part, her cheeks a deep crimson red from her blushing.  
"Oh...Ohhh, I see... I've never had a girlfriend long enough to know what to doo about it. Am I supposed to, like, leave you alone or am I supposed to comfort you?" Sam seemed surprised, but recovered quickly, sheepish.  
"Sam come over?" Dakota asked, excited, until she hear a growling noise from her stomach. "Bring marshmallows."  
"Got it, Dakota. one party size bag of marshmallows and one Sam! I'll bring them both." Sam laughed.

Over at Sam's place, he hung up the phone, and laughed to himself over the joke he made. "Heh, I guess I better ask mom to drive me to the store." He sighed, putting down his Cityboy. "Hey mom, I need you to drive me somewhere!" He yelled, walking into the hallway.  
"You don't need to go to Gamestar again, it's only been a week!" He heard his mother shout, and groaned. Not only did she get Gamestart's name wrong, but she didn't get that he did need to go. His gaming friends would ridicule him if he didn't keep updating all of my stuff with the current generation!  
"It's Game-start, mom, not Game-star. But that's not where I need to go anyway, so it doesn't matter too much. I need to go to the nearest Qwikee Mart, and I need to get to my girlfriends place." He yelled back at her, walking into the living room, he scanned the room for his mom.  
" I'm over here Sam." He heard his mother call out to him from the kitchen, and he walked in, seeing her chop up leeks, he sighed and recognized what she was making. He hated her special salsa. "I know you don't like my salsa much, but your uncle Lenny is coming over and I know he loves it. " He groaned and opened his mouth to protest, but she cut him off. "Now don't give me that look. Lenny is my brother and he is a part of our family."  
"But mom, if I don't get to Dakota in the next thirty minutes with a giant bag of marshmallows, she's gonna throw a fit!" He yelled, then realized how weird that sounded out of context. Judging by his mothers expression, she did to.  
"Sam, whatever you and your mutant girlfriend want to do,I'm ok with, but marshmallows?" She asked, and he blushed.  
"Mo-oooom, its not like that! I don't even- " Sam protested, blushing like mad, but sighed and explained as quickly as possible "-look, she's really craving marshmallows cause she's on her period and I have to get there in the next thirty minutes or she might freak out and break her phone or I dunno what!"  
Sam's mothers eyes widened with understanding and she got up and grabbed Sam's hand, dragging him with her. "We better get there fast!" She dragged him out the door, and he sighed. If it was that easy, he would have told her in the first place!

Back with Dakota, she was preparing for Sam to show up, seeing as she had approximately thirty-five minutes and she had time to burn. She was setting up her new Swii, she had planned to have Sam help her with the task, seeing as he could fiddle with the smaller bits and help install the big Swiimote she had made. Finishing the final step, she sighed, the task had taken much less time than she had anticipated. She wanted to keep her mind occupied and not focused on the fact that he wasn't here and how she wished he would get here- No, she was going to keep her cool and not break anything, she could handle being on her period, she'd done it before! Oh, but she hadn't been a mutant with admittedly bad anger management issues when it happened... It was so much harder to deal with the urge to toss things and smash them when she actually could! Her stomach growled and she sighed. "Sam be here soon, tummy." She said, but stopped when she realized what she said, and she growled. "No, bad Dakota! Me no toddler, me talk normal!" She couldn't stop talking in fragments, no matter how hard she tried. She was seeing a speech therapist, who said the mutation had twisted her brain out of shape, and her temperament and speech impediments were a result of that. She refused to let up on herself, though. She was Dakota Milton, heiress of the Milton estate! She was not some invalid toddler, she was a princess... Who happened to speak like a toddler. There was a distinction. Now, all she had to do was wait until Sam got here with the marshmallows. She sat there for a full minute before she got bored of waiting, at which point she threw up her hands in frustration and growled. Damnit, why did it take so long to get here from Sam's house? I mean, what kind of sports car did he have, anyway, like, wasn't there some poor people thing called a bus? She'd never been on one, but, they were supposed to be like, super efficient and stuff. "Sam's house long way from here, so me no get angry at him." She soothed herself, using breathing exercises to calm herself down. "What bu-fuh-fuh doing?" Dakota pulled out her phone again, remembering Zoey was up for a call whenever she was down. She typed in her number carefully, and waited for the accursed ringing to stop again. Man, those beeps were obnoxious.  
"Hey Dakota, I wasn't expecting a call from you today, what's going on?" She heard her best friend on the other end of the line, and she smiled. Zoey was one of the only people who still was a true friend now that she was mutated, sure, their friendship started off rocky, but she had become a good friend once the competition was over.  
"Me having problems." Dakota emphasized the last part, which made her blush. "Me just want talk to girl." She smiled. "Sam good boyfriend, but Sam still boy." She giggled nervously.  
"Oh my god, I feel you, seriously. Mikes amazing, but sometimes I just wanna talk to my gal pals." Zoey giggled as well, and Dakota swore she heard some indie pop track playing in the background. "Even Svetlana is a break from all the guy talk going on. She-er-he... Still confused by that, but I have to say Svetlana is a surprisingly good listener." She paused in thought for a second on the identity of Svetlana's gender.  
"Anyone better than Vito." Dakota laughed, and she heard Zoey groan on the other end of the line.  
"Don't even get me started on that chauvinistic pig! I mean, Manitoba might be kind of sexist, but at least he's trying to be knightly!" Zoey gave an annoyed grunt just from mentioning Vito. Dakota had to admit, Vito got on her nerves too. Pretty much the only person who wasn't driven nuts by him was Anne Maria, and that's only because she was driven nuts by him. Suddenly, Dakota heard her doorbell ring, and she grinned.  
"Gotta go, bu-fuh-fuh! Sam here!" She said quickly, not even waiting for a response before dropping the phone.  
"Wait, Dakota! You forgot to hang up!" Zoey yelled at the other end, but sighed and hung up on her own.  
Dakota scrambled to the door, and was greeted by Sam, who had a giant bag of marshmallows in front of his face. "Sam look like has marshmallow face!" Dakota giggled. "Want Dakota carry for you?"  
"No, marshmallow face can handle it." Sam smiled, and stumbled through the doorway. He put the marshmallows down on the closest counter, and walked up to Dakota, hugging her. He only came up to her waist, but it's the thought that counts. "How's my gorgeous girlfriend doing?"  
"Me fine." Dakota giggled, but her stomach growled in protest. "Maybe me hungry too, hehehe."  
"Well, there's a reason for the marshmallows, and I bet that'll cure your hunger." He grabbed the end of the bag and tried to tear it open, but he couldn't quite get a good grip. "Hold on, hold on, I can get this!" He grappled with the bag for another couple of seconds, before Dakota grabbed the bag and tore it open for him. "Hehehe, thanks. Although I totally could have opened it." He sheepishly fumbled, before grabbing a handful of marshmallows and chewing them.  
"Marshmallows yummy." Dakota grabbed a relatively small handful, well, for her that was about five normal handfuls.  
"Yeah, but it's kind of sucky that they're like, ruined cause of Total Drama." Sam said, when Dakota gave him a confused look, he elaborated. "Like, every time I eat marshmallows, I think about the show, so it's like every marshmallow is one that Chris gave us."  
"Dakota get it!" She smiled through a mouthful of marshmallows. "Me like marshmallows enough that it no matter." Sam turned around and gave her a mildly shocked look. "What, me not always want hurt Chris! Me have other thoughts!" She angrily turned away, miffed.  
"What? Oh, oh no that's not at all what I meant! Sam waved his hands frantically, and hugged her. "I just haven't heard you speak in such complete sentences since the whole, giant mutant thing!" He said, smiling. "That's really great!"  
"Oh, me guess that nice." Dakota sighed. "Wait, you no like way Dakota talk?" She pouted. Normally this would have been a cheap emotional ploy for affection, but Dakota was feeling emotionally vulnerable and on her time of the month, so pretty much every single problem was magnified. "Me no want talk funny, me stop if me could!"  
"Nonononononono!" Sam said fearfully, backing up slightly. "I love everything about you, Dakota, it's just, I hear you talk about how you want to be normal again and I thought you'd be happy to be speaking a little more like you used to!"  
"Oh. Me sorry me got silly." Dakota sheepishly giggled. "Me just worried you no love me no more." She sighed sadly, and Sam hugged her comfortingly.  
"Of course not Dakota, I'll always love you!" Sam smiled, reassuring her. "Hey, you'll never guess what I got in the mail, Dakota!" His eyes lit up as he rummaged in his pockets for a piece of mail.  
"Sam get new video game?" Dakota guessed, and Sam shook his head. "Sam get interview with magazine?" He shook his head again. "Uh, me give up."  
"I've been invited t compete in a new season of Total Drama!" He smiled, and Dakota frowned slightly.  
"New season mean Chris, not safe for Sam." Dakota frowned, gritting her teeth at the mention of Chris.  
"No, actually." Sam grinned. "McLean is in jail, so it's not too likely he'll be hosting this time round." Dakota grinned when she heard that, and he continued. "Here, let me read you the letter!" He took a piece of paper out of the envelope and unfolded it. "Ahem, hear ye, hear ye," He laughed.  
"Dear Samson Greenley.  
As you are no doubt aware, your contract with Teletoon Studios states that you may be called upon to star in Total Drama whenever we deem it necessary, until the show is cancelled. As of today, a new Total Drama season is in the works, and you have been selected to be one of the 13 contestants to compete in Total Drama All Stars. TDAS is going to be filmed on location at Wawahnakwa island, and the prize is, as always, 1 million dollars. You have one month to prepare, after which, you will be picked up by helicopter and begin filming. Your contract requires you compete, unless you have a severe medical problem that disqualifies you from participate. If this is the case, please mail back the appropriate medical records and we will select another contestant from the TDROTI roster.  
Yours respectfully,  
~Total Drama Production Staff." Sam finished, folding up the letter. "It's less of an invitation actually, now that I read it. It's more of a warning." He laughed nervously.  
"Does Sam have to go?" Dakota whimpered, and Sam nodded. "But Dakota miss Sam! Sam get hurt!" Dakota began frantically hyperventilating, and Sam squeezed her hand gently.  
"I'll be fine, and anyway, we still have a month to prepare." He smiled reassuringly, and Dakota smiled back. "Besides, maybe I'll win, and then we'll be rich!" He waved his arm dramatically.  
"But Dakota already rich." Dakota tilted her head in confusion.  
"Ok, then I'll be rich." He corrected himself. "Worst comes to worst, I'm a kick-butt mutant just like you, and then you won't be alone!" He grinned.  
"Sam be mutated just so me be happy?" Dakota asked tentatively.  
"Heck yes I would!" He exclaimed, laughing. "I mean, you know, if you would like that." He sheepishly added as an afterthought.  
"Me like Sam just way Sam is." Dakota picked up her boyfriend and nuzzled him.  
"And I like Dakota just the way she is." Sam smiled, Dakota lifted him to her lips happily, kissing him.

AN; Erhmagerd, I'm so sorry I had it abruptly end, but I wrote enough that it feels like a conclusion. The original idea for this was Dakotazoid on her period, but it kind of just turned into a sweet little minific with a side order of the original concept, so let this just be a silly, short drabble for my first TDI fic. I'm also really really apprehensive about posting this for some reason, but I'm just going to post this anyways and hope I'm just being cautious for no reason.


End file.
